The Callipygous Manifesto (aka In Praise of Big Butts)
I have a big butt and I cannot lie.
It’s prodigious. It also sticks up fairly high. In your 40′s, this is a mark of pride. And proof of much squatting, lunging, and general booty mayhem.
I make no apologies for my butt. I know at least one CrossFit affiliate has made a t-shirt with my comment “Squatting until my ass blocks the sun.” I’m okay with that. And I’m okay with staring — at mine or at other butts. I don’t think you should look away unless you’re a creep and making someone uncomfortable. (Don’t be a creep.) Big butts are a mark of effort and they’re like art, each different and perfect in their own way. We should appreciate and celebrate art.
More than that, I think women should aim for a good butt. It makes you feel powerful, what you can do with your big butt. And it makes you feel confident entering a room or leaving one. You walk with a little more swagger. Scientific study is behind in this field, but anecdotal evidence proves what we all know: big butts breed sassiness … and happiness!
When I was a kid, society had all these super-thin models like Twiggy that seemed to have had their glutes surgically removed. (Unfortunately, I think we still celebrate the emaciated look in fashion.) We grew up observing these waifs and then judging ourselves, often harshly. We spent far too much time turning around in dressing rooms and asking, “Does this make my butt look big?”
Now I know there’s only one good answer to that question: “YES!” and then you high five each other.
See, things are much more fun in my world, despite what ranges outside in the world and passes for reality. In my world, every girl loves her big butt and she loves to squat. She’s not afraid of food, or what will happen to her if she eats like she is not on a hunger strike. She knows that the right food and the right exercise feed her big butt, and so she seeks more of both. She wants to be strong, healthy, and happy — and she doesn’t spend so much time worrying if other people like her. She first strives to like herself.
Growing up, if we would see someone with a callipygous posterior, my mother would say, “She’s got a platform you could back a truck up to.” She meant it in a good way, yet I never really understood that remark as a child. But I totally get it now, and I’m still working on having a platform you could back a truck up to.
And so I’m heartened by the growing appreciation of big butts that I see spreading in the fitness community. We may not all be capable of looking like Elisabeth Akinwale (who I would argue has the greatest posterior chain in our community), but each in our own way can be building a platform. So get out there and squat and lunge to your heart’s content, ladies, and show your daughters how to do the same. Lead the way! This is important work you’re doing, and besides, who knows, beautiful buttocks may be our only hope for world peace.