- He slept more than you did. Dogs don’t have responsibilities. They sleep when they want, which is most of the day.
- He didn’t lose hours on Facebook. Dogs don’t even know about Facebook, and if they did they sure wouldn’t argue about politics. Their posts would be photos of food, babies, toys, and dogs all day long, all year long.
- He’s not hungover. But dogs probably would drink beer out of a can if they could. Not wine though. They wouldn’t touch a Chardonnay or Pinot Noir.
- He isn’t worrying about someone texting him back. Dogs are simple. They like someone, they walk over and sniff their private regions. Rather inelegant, but it seems to work.
- He didn’t do burpees today. And he’s not doing any tomorrow either. Dogs run, chase, wrestle, eat something, and then take a nap. (See #1.)
- When women see him, they rush over and snuggle him. Complete and total strangers. Every day of his life.
- He doesn’t give a damn about abs—his, yours, or anybody else’s. Beach body? Please. He wears that fur coat all year.
- He’s not on any Dog 30 plan and he doesn’t care if anything is Paleo. He eats stuff you put in a bowl for him, and stuff he can steal off your plate when you’re not looking. Sure, he also licks stuff off the kitchen floor but don’t act like you’ve never employed the 2-second rule.
- He knows a good afternoon involves snuggling on the couch with a blanket and Netflix—and he’s going to make that a priority if you’ll let him.
- He’s always ready to play fetch. Screw that work. Toss the ball!
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