Do you suffer from CI-FAM? Do you have sweaty palms, trembling, and nausea — and not just from reading the workout on the whiteboard? In the middle of the WOD, are you suddenly and inexplicably unable to complete simple math: like counting to 10, adding by fives, or subtracting by ones? Do you find yourself wondering what round you’re on, or what planet you’ve come from?
Then you might be sufferering from CI-FAM: CrossFit Induced Failure At Math.
Don’t worry. You’re not alone. Thousands of CI-FAM sufferers are out there, like you, confused and scared to admit it. If you turn the music down during the WOD, you can hear their lamentations:
“1 … 2 … 3 … SHIT! What number was I on?”
“Three more cleans. Three more cleans. F&*$! How many more cleans do I have?”
Or you’ll see them, starting their fourth round for the second time, because they couldn’t remember where they were. You can almost see the thought bubbles over their heads: “I’ll just do another round. I have no idea where I am. Wait, do I have kids? Did I really get married? My right foot hurts. Damn it — what number was that?”
Some sufferers of CI-FAM are not so lucky: they endure in silence and undercut the numbers (“Whoops. Grace doesn’t end at 27?”) and earn special titles from their boxmates. (“F***ing Cheater.”) But, really, they might be CI-FAM victims too.
So, the next time you find yourself in the middle of the WOD, hair on fire, chalky mess on your hands, maybe some spit dribbling out of the corner of your mouth, and a big old fog in your brain? Remember, you’re not on meth — you’re just on CrossFit.
“20 pull-ups to go … 19 … 18 … Where the hell am I? Oh SHIT!”
(Photo by Lisbeth Darsh.)